(Photo : VH1)

Yes, I watched the reunion last night, and have been able to catch a few episodes this season. Yes, I question myself for watching it while I’m watching it, unless I’m momentarily distracted by the hair and makeup. Yes, I am embarrassed for the women who allow themselves to be exploited by other high powered women who look like they do, and work for the same company, just in a different capacity. But, for me to not watch it would mean that I would be choosing to be ignorant about the trappings and role models that our young people are being given, and not have a clue about how to counter it. In essence, we’ve got to know what is going on to fight against it.

This morning I started to reminisce about the influences I had when I was a teenager, some were raw and grimy when trying to tell a story about the poor social environments they came from. However, most were consistently positive. Even the ones that were full of sex and melodrama starred college kids, professionals in the work place, or business owners. It was pretty obvious what you should be aiming to become to be considered a person who contributed to society. Yet, these days materialism is the main star of the show, with the supporting characters being women who choose to get it by any means necessary. These means seem to never require an education, articulation, respect for yourself or others, or an awareness of how to settle disputes   without threatening or putting your hands on someone.

(Photo : VH1)

I find these images discouraging because even though I have been an adult for some time, it can still be a challenge not to rationalize that behaving like that is normal, especially if I have a favorite personality on the show. This is simply because this behavior is broadcasted so heavily that it can easily be viewed as the standard. This “ratchet” world is dominating the way we will eventually begin to assess what behavior is appropriate or not. The truth is that while that may be the only world that gets attention, in the real world we live in, acting in that manner will get you locked up, put out, expelled, or fired. Atleast the cast of basketball wives seems to be somewhat younger in age, while other popular reality shows boast the ages of women who look good for being in their mid to late forties, yet still act a fool. And, let’s not even talk about how it’s damaging other people’s perceptions and expectations of how women conduct themselves and treat each other.

If we didn’t look closer we would think that these women are calling all the shots with their expensive clothes and fancy cars, but really they are dependent on the people that are in charge. True independence makes you assess what impact certain actions can have on the rest of your life. If we really think about it alot of these women are being used and may not feel they have too many options. Either they did not plan out what their future would look like before coming to the show, and they have to settle for being depicted in this manner. Or, they have more than enough, but have decided to completely sell out or more material goods.

The only way to seriously combat this epidemic of glamorizing these shows and the behavior is to do it one person at a time, so they will know not to believe the hype and realize that better is expected of them. If you haven’t done so, or have been contemplating about mentoring our youth, I think now is a perfect time.

Please see below some organizations to begin to positively impact a life.

http://www.mentoring.org/

http://www.wamentors.org/organizations

http://www.bgca.org/Pages/index.aspx

Remember… .Stay a Busy Bee and Share with a Bride to Be

Rachel Bryant Lundy

Have you ever known a very self- assured person, who was almost obnoxious in their demeanor, and watched their “swag” slowly wither away over the years?  When speaking of these individuals, typically someone ends with saying “they could have been really great.” As if to imply that these individuals suddenly decided to not play the game of life anymore. But, it’s rarely that simple. Most of the time this person entered into a relationship with another person or a group, which distracted them from their goals, and helped to over time assist them with no longer having any confidence. I’ve known a few people like this, and they all vary in age and sex. Believe it or not, we are all susceptible to negative influences that can do harm in the way we perceive ourselves.

When people want you to not feel good about yourself, one of the first areas they begin to attack is your self -image, how you see yourself. Because more than likely, if you think poorly of yourself then they can keep the same kind of control they have over you, or at least the same place in your life. Generally, the people we are intimately involved with want to impact how we see ourselves. Either they want to enhance it, or they want to take away from it.

Having a healthy self-image is what gives you confidence; confidence determines what you embark on or chase after. Self-confidence can slowly be eroded by numerous acts. Being in negative relationships as stated earlier, and being in subservient roles that belittle or undermine your abilities. Even being stuck in a rut can make you feel less confident, and like what you are doing now is the only thing you can do. You may have a job that doesn’t challenge you, but you’ve done it for so long, that you forget you have other skill sets to offer that another company could value. Maybe you have always worn the same kinds of clothes, so trying something different frightens you, and makes you scared to try any new looks?

No doubt staying confident takes time, awareness, and repetition. Often we can’t control the negative images we see, and even may not be able to immediately control our environments. But you can control what images and views you give yourself to think about.  You can’t just read a really uplifting book, and then decide to never read another positive book again. Be mindful to consistently feed yourself empowering thoughts that will add to you having a healthy self-image that will keep you confident.

To better the way you feel about yourself, try doing the following to help begin to become a more confident you:

• Surround yourself with people who see your value, not people who make you weaker, or remind you of your flaws.
• Don’t underestimate the small things. If you know you feel better about yourself when you look nice and wear your favorite perfume or cologne, then do so.
• Feed your spirit.  This will allow you to get better practice in having faith, giving, and receiving encouragement.
• If you make a mistake or have a failure, get back up and keep trying. Nothing erodes confidence like doing nothing after a loss.
• Present yourself the way you want people to perceive you. You can’t control what other people think, but you can control what you portray.
• Go after what you want. Always try, and never settle for what is given.

Remember…Stay a Busy Bee and Share with a Bride to Be

Rachel Bryant Lundy