SELF CONFIDENCE… If you Build it, It will come

confidence 5

Have you ever known a very self- assured person, who was almost obnoxious in their demeanor, and watched their “swag” slowly wither away over the years?  When speaking of these individuals, typically someone ends with saying “they could have been really great.” As if to imply that these individuals suddenly decided to not play the game of life anymore. But, it’s rarely that simple. Most of the time this person entered into a relationship with another person or a group, which distracted them from their goals, and helped to over time assist them with no longer having any confidence. I’ve known a few people like this, and they all vary in age and sex. Believe it or not, we are all susceptible to negative influences that can do harm in the way we perceive ourselves.

When people want you to not feel good about yourself, one of the first areas they begin to attack is your self -image, how you see yourself. Because more than likely, if you think poorly of yourself then they can keep the same kind of control they have over you, or at least the same place in your life. Generally, the people we are intimately involved with want to impact how we see ourselves. Either they want to enhance it, or they want to take away from it.

Having a healthy self-image is what gives you confidence; confidence determines what you embark on or chase after. Self-confidence can slowly be eroded by numerous acts. Being in negative relationships as stated earlier, and being in subservient roles that belittle or undermine your abilities. Even being stuck in a rut can make you feel less confident, and like what you are doing now is the only thing you can do. You may have a job that doesn’t challenge you, but you’ve done it for so long, that you forget you have other skill sets to offer that another company could value. Maybe you have always worn the same kinds of clothes, so trying something different frightens you, and makes you scared to try any new looks?

No doubt staying confident takes time, awareness, and repetition. Often we can’t control the negative images we see, and even may not be able to immediately control our environments. But you can control what images and views you give yourself to think about.  You can’t just read a really uplifting book, and then decide to never read another positive book again. Be mindful to consistently feed yourself empowering thoughts that will add to you having a healthy self-image that will keep you confident.

To better the way you feel about yourself, try doing the following to help begin to become a more confident you:

  • Surround yourself with people who see your value, not people who make you weaker, or remind you of your flaws.
  • Don’t underestimate the small things. If you know you feel better about yourself when you look nice and wear your favorite perfume or cologne, then do so.
  • Feed your spirit.  This will allow you to get better practice in having faith, giving, and receiving encouragement.
  • If you make a mistake or have a failure, get back up and keep trying. Nothing erodes confidence like doing nothing after a loss.
  • Present yourself the way you want people to perceive you. You can’t control what other people think, but you can control what you portray.
  • Go after what you want. Always try, and never settle for what is given.

Remember…Stay a Busy Bee and Share with a Bride to Be

Rachel Bryant Lundy

LIFE- A Sentence I will willingly Serve

keep calm your getting older

Undeniably I’m guilty of having a few minor anxiety attacks, but at least they are not daily, and are triggered by something substantial-no shade. As I sat in my cubicle, I realized that in 2 weeks and 2 days I would be turning 31. For me, a quiet melt down was in order, which was demonstrated as I stared blankly into space for about two minutes. I had a similar moment when I was turning 21- another quiet melt down, and again I was at work. It had suddenly hit me that I was a college graduate that made $7.25 an hour. I wanted to be rich and famous, or at a minimum make $10.00 more, but I had no idea how to do it. I wanted to be a writer, a designer, and above all things a fashion maverick. My outlook on how my life would turn out wasn’t too positive, since I was currently selling sunglasses to people that wanted to be treated like Beyonce, despite the fact they only bought items in the clearance case. It was all getting to be way too much.

Last year probably would have been a more ideal time to conduct this kind of self -reflection, but I simply had no time to. My birthday was in May, my wedding was in July, and my only thoughts were how I was going to pull it off. Due to all the stress from planning, I only wondered would I still have a fiance’ by the time I got to my wedding day?

Being the competitive person that I am with myself, I recently assessed what I have accomplished so far in my 30th year. It turns out, besides adjusting to and being happily married- which is no small feat, not a whole lot. But, I’ve now decided to focus on the year instead of my age. This allows me to still end 2014 pretty awesome. I’ve also managed to read a few articles on how I should expect to feel as I enter into my thirties. They emphasized how liberating 30 should be, because your not afraid to say no or say yes. It’s like you are finally giving yourself permission to be authentically you, and I agree. I kind of have this now or never feeling combined with a consciousness of life being REAL. I’ve been in it for 30 years. If it doesn’t end up being what I want, I can’t get out of it, or not easily. So, I better start making it the way I want, or it’s going to be a very long road until I get to the end.

There are some major differences between turning 21 and 31, but also a huge commonality. I still want to be the person that I wanted to be at 21, therefore I am convinced I am meant to be that person and no one else. A major difference is I don’t feel any resentment when reading about millionaires under the age of 30, or entrepreneurs to look at who are under the age of 30 that would previously irritate me. I don’t need to be on the Forbes list of the most wealthy as I did when I was 21. Now, I make all the rules and I tell myself ultimately if I have been successful. Without a doubt this indifference about the accomplishments of others is the result of a more spiritual side of myself that has developed, and knows my steps are being ordered.

The 21 year old me would find it hard to fathom living without having made it onto a Forbes list yet, and even harder to believe that I’m actually quite happy without it. Along with that I’ve been able to survive working in “cubicle ville” with my dreams still in tact. If my life had to stay the same as it is now, I wouldn’t be upset about it. As compared to the 21 year old me, that probably had no idea where to start to find happiness, or how to get to a place of healthy contentment.

I am truly excited to have one more year added to my life, but equally determined to not sit in the back seat when I should be driving towards creating the lifestyle I desire.

It doesn’t take a birthday to prompt you to assess if you are becoming who you want to be, while being just as grateful for being who you have become.  Because at anytime you can say “Hey life, here’s the deal, this is what is going to happen because I’m in charge.”

“I bargained with life for a penny

and life would pay no more,

however, I begged at evening

when I counted my scanty store;

For life is a just employer

he gives you what you ask

but, once you have set the wages

why, you must bear the task;

I worked for a menial’s hire

only to learn dismayed

that any wage I had asked of life,

life would have willingly paid.”

-Napoleon Hill


Remember…Stay a Busy Bee and Share with a Bride to Be

Rachel Bryant Lundy

The Irrational- Rationalization of Change

image of bird getting kicked out the nest

I need to leave, want to leave, but I’m not going to. Sound familiar? Oh how we love holding on to things we know we should be done with. That is why people often have to let us go, or something happens that leaves us feeling so disgusted that we decide to run away from it. Our attachments could be to a hairstyle, furniture, relationship, or a job. Typically, people don’t embrace change until they have to.

A lot of times we are waiting for someone else to go first before we are willing to make a move. This is particularly seen in the work place. Normally, there are numerous people unhappy with their job, and unwilling to do anything about it. These same people root for, yet resent someone that is equally dissatisfied, but taking the necessary steps to move forward. It’s not that they are invested in the next person’s future, they are just aware that when one person moves on it causes others to try and do the same. It brings hope, courage, and triggers a small revolution, eventually causing not just one person to leave but potentially a small gang.

Why is change so hard for us to do on our own? Because being comfortable is just plain yummy, and going into the unknown is scary. You cannot predict what will happen, but comfortable situations you know like the back of your hand. So much, that the so called surprises aren’t even real surprises. Although, a harsher reality could be that we are afraid of our own growth. Admitting that it is time for a change also means that it’s time for a challenge, and time to demand more from ourselves. Not to mention, change for the better takes work and effort. It will be hard updating resumes, cover letters, applying, and interviewing for a better position. It will be hard researching neighborhoods, school systems, and learning how to get financing to live in a better neighborhood. Nonetheless, the only option we have by avoiding this work is still being at the same place years from now.

We need to remember that our past and present experiences prepare us for our next ones. They are not meant to make us stagnant. We are predestined to rise to greater levels. To ensure you keep moving towards higher altitudes, try starting the following:

  • Take action by spending time everyday doing something that will help you come closer to your goals. This could be looking up business plans or finding a school you may want to attend.
  • Give yourself a dead line for when you have to meet the goal.
  • Stay consistent with your efforts. You won’t go very far being “some timey” about what you want to achieve for yourself.

I hope I have helped you to begin to force yourself up and out!


Remember….Stay a Busy Bee and Share with a Bride to Be

Rachel Bryant Lundy

Becoming a DRAMA FREE being- down with the QUEENS!

drama queens

Almost every day it is confirmed that people are crazy, and truly need consistent prayer with therapy- no really they do.  This weekend I was at a gathering that was meant to be uplifting, but wasn’t able to reach its purpose because the people involved refused to allow it to happen. It wasn’t everyone but the few that did, definitely stole the show. It seemed they felt inclined to get any attention that would distract us from the reason we were all there. I set back with my husband and laughed about eighty percent of the time, attempting to not take any of the antics too seriously. We tried our best to stay on task, along with some others, who were also determined to assist the host with achieving what she planned for that day. When the room would finally calm down and get focused, a “coo- coo” clock would sound off every hour that came to a close. As playful and funny as they are, they can be equally disruptive, especially if a breakthrough is seconds from occurring.  Towards the end of the meeting, we found ourselves debating whether gray hair made someone wise or not. Soon after, the oldest people in the room began to perform, proving that it doesn’t. There definitely should have been some Oscars given out that day. The categories would have been best pretender, most negative, least accountable, and my favorite that I would have won, most engaged but not really engaged.

It got me really thinking about how many people are desperate for attention from others. Never mind if it’s negative, just as long as someone is looking at them, then their mission is accomplished. Or, they insist on being perceived the way they view themselves, no matter the cost. For example, they are fine with being thought of as rude and obnoxious, as long as people still think they are the smartest person in the room.

I also started to realize a lot of people behave in certain ways, simply because no one has ever told them not to. These people allow their insensitivity or over sensitivity make people feel threatened, and that they are not worth the trouble of being enlightened about their behavior. How many people do we have in our lives that we wish we could just keep it real with, if just for one day? Instead we get worried about their feelings and most of all the consequences to the relationship. It’s hard to point the obvious to those we love without getting sucked into their drama, and being apart of a low budget stage play. However, once the selfishness wears off and we think about what’s happening, it’s pretty sad. Just think of how many relationships these individuals may have missed out on that their personal drama prevented them from building or beginning.

And to be honest, some of those performers at the event were family members. While I can have a dramatic side when necessary, I am happy that I left the bulk of the irrational tantrums with the previous generations. They can keep it!

To see if your drama prevents friends and family from keeping it real with you, ask yourself the following:

  • How do you react when people tell you something about yourself that may not be positive?
  • Are you someone that is comfortable and open to learning the truth about yourself or are you most comfortable being in denial or not addressing it?
  • How many healthy conversations have you had with others about what you could work on? Is it routinely or rarely, and why?
  • When you enter a situation, do you add calmness or chaos?

I hope I have helped you to begin the removal of self- inflicted drama in your life. We all have bits of it to work on.

Remember…Stay a Busy Bee and share with a Bride to Be

Rachel Bryant Lundy