Countdown begins now! In 6 days I will be married for one whole year. I know it’s just one and not ten, but I’m still excited about it. I feel like it was just yesterday when I was trying to figure out how I was going to pull off my dream wedding on a reality budget. Funny thing is the budget ended up being the easy part, but the planning and people aspects of it really took me for a loop. I have learned a lot in the past year about marriage, myself, and my husband, and I’m sure I will continue to. Fortunately, I don’t have the typical and frightening “everything changes once you get married” experience that is often thrown out when people curiously ask about married life. And, I truly hope it stays that way. If anything our relationship has gotten better. My husband and I still text daily while at work, still hang out, still go to church, and are still each other’s favorite person. Being married is one of the easiest and enjoyable things I have ever done. Yes, challenging at times, but I am so glad I did it. My husband is the best man I could have ever married for me.
I’ve always wanted to be apart of and admired marriages where I could smell the team work, and be able to see that both people rely on one another as support. That is what I have. Marriage requires the tasks of being accountable, being forgiving, being committed, and a plethora of other demands, but the joy it brings outweighs the work it takes to do all of them. You can compare it to being in a game together where you have to constantly figure out how to overcome an obstacle, plan your next move, and safe guard yourself from issues and people that could leave you at risk to dangerous attacks. Don’t worry there is tons of love in the middle, but as they say, love is a battlefield.
And, what is a great relationship without any adversity? We experienced a great deal of it while we were engaged, and it caused us to have to make some major adjustments that I have no doubt would have torn apart a weaker couple. As hard as it is to go through these times, one of the best feelings in the world is proving people wrong who didn’t help you or tried their best to sabotage your efforts. These instances ultimately become a benefit that allows you to earn a PHD in maintaining composure when met with opposition or plain old foolery. I can truly say that God has rewarded my husband and I for sticking out our initial season of discomfort by giving us a strong foundation of love and trust in our marriage. The experience motivated me to want to support other Do- It- Yourself Brides during their time of intense stress and pressure. It is also the reason why I started this blog and completed my first book; Bride Confesses: The Good, the Bad, the Lovely, and the Ugly Truth. Trusting God and being positive about the negative really works out.
Before getting married I had some misconceptions of it being just for old people and for the unambitious. That it increased your chances of losing your “swag” or individuality, and only looked interesting when it involved the rich and famous. Instead, it has been an enhancement to my life. While I am blessed to truly enjoy my marriage, there have been surprises that I would have liked to be given a heads up about. Some things we have to find out for ourselves, but I hope let you in on a few of them.
- First, you have to be tougher, kinder, and more hardworking than I thought. Being someone’s spouse is a lovely yet serious gig. No matter how wonderful the relationship, there will certainly be some unplanned events that you have to stick out but you would rather take a pass on. If there is a catch to marriage that is it- just keeping it real.
- Secondly, it is continuous, there are no breaks. Not that you want any, but it is an adjustment knowing that as long as you and your spouse are alive and together you are always some one’s wife or husband. I guess that’s what FOREVER means. That is also what makes it beautiful.
- Thirdly, the terms husband and wife are very powerful, even if you don’t care for them to be, and even if others don’t want them to be. There is a huge difference between girlfriend and wife or boyfriend and husband. The main difference is that while in the “friend” state you are still hoping for people to like you, hoping to be accepted, hoping to make a good impression, and hoping for approval from others. You are in a passive position, and are often at the mercy of how others feel like treating you or want to perceive you. But when you are married, it’s not that those things don’t matter, it’s more so you don’t have the time for them to matter nearly as much. Now that you are a wife or husband you have entered into one of two top positions in each other’s life. Two have become one, you matter the most, and outsiders matter less. That can be a tough pill for some folks to swallow, and a huge adjustment if you are a little timid with exercising spousal authority. But don’t feel bad using it, even if people want to pretend like you shouldn’t use yours, trust me they use theirs all the time.
- Lastly, time and people are precious. Moments go by so quickly. It’s a luxury for my husband and I to not have to share each other with anyone at the moment. I know it won’t be like that always, so for now I am definitely enjoying it. I also now know how it feels to care for another person and their being on a much deeper and protective level. I can only imagine how it feels to have a child. Love is certainly consuming, but you don’t realize how much it is when you are with the person you love the most.
It’s been a pleasure sharing my thoughts with you and I hope they have given you some insight into married life. I do believe the saying is true, that all marriages are different because no one person is the same.
Here’s too many more years for me and my wonderful hubby!