Saturday, I had a funeral for one of my favorite wigs. The death of my brown bob with the blonde highlights, came as an unexpected emotional blow. I screamed out “This isn’t about you” and “You’ve always been there for me” as it was stuffed into a plastic grocery bag. But on the bright side, I gained a new perspective on the need to have female support to help you through the large and small changes in your life. This can become secondary, if you have a strong support system at home in your husband along with close friends, or if you are so independent you typically feel you don’t need to be supported. I have been natural for 2 years and decided to get dreadlocks in my hair a month ago, but I still had been holding on to my security blanket, a.k.a. my wig. Never truly knowing when would be the best time for me reveal my new “do”, and relinquish the control I need to have to always feel neat, predictable, and presentable at every moment that wearing wigs allow me to do.
I am so grateful, that one of my closest friends (Ali) asked me to go with her to visit an old co- worker of hers this past weekend. It ended up being life changing. We were in the company of an awesome group of women, most of them I had never meant before, but they gave me the necessary push and confidence I needed to stop hiding under my hair. It was so refreshing to be around people that were not judging each other, comparing themselves to one another, but only wanted to uplift each other.
Even though we were all practically strangers, we were willing to freely give out positivity. We didn’t have the same backgrounds and struggles, weren’t all the same ethnicities, or even the same age groups. But what we all had in common was that we were open to learning from and sharing with each other, so we could all move forward in whatever area we desired. Whether it was motherhood, dating, or even being bold enough to wear a new hairstyle, there was no right or wrong issue. It was female bonding at its cheesiest and I loved it; a mix between the happy moments in Waiting to Exhale and the Ya Ya Sisterhood. It made me think about how much I need to start carving out time to make new relationships and to better cater to the old ones. Honestly, as I am transitioning in to the role of being someone’s wife, this hasn’t even made it on the list of things to do.
What I have learned the most from this amazing weekend is how important it is to be surrounded by like-minded people, and exactly what that means. I used to think that the term meant having the same opinions, perspectives, and even comparable occupations. But now, I know that being like-minded in spirit means much more than superficial similarities. Being around these women made me want more of the energy and support I received from them, and also want to give more of mine. It is easy for us to accept the current relationships that we have and make do, or go about our daily routines with our guards up, and unwilling or unable to share our dreams and personal trials. You can leave it up to chance to meet the kind of people that could add so much to your life, but why wait when you could begin to have more of those fulfilling relationships now.
A task I am giving to myself and I hope you do as well is to begin the expansion of my “Sista Circle”. This is not meant for the typical networking so I can get a client or learn about the “who’s who” in my city. This is for genuine support, and if business relationships happen afterwards that is fine. The best tip and a great start in doing this is being open to making friendships with all kinds of people, don’t limit yourself. In 2014, you would think that this doesn’t have to be said, but it is easy for all of us to stay in our comfort zones. Take a chance and venture out, you never know who will accept, reject, or give you the advantage that will take your life to the next level.
I hope I have added positively to your perspective in fostering new female relationships.
Remember…. Stay a Busy Bee and Share with a Bride to Be
Rachel Bryant Lundy