Ladies, listen up, no matter how independent, talented, and organized you are, you will need help on your wedding day. And it’s not about quantity, it’s the quality. There is nothing worse than having a bunch of people around you with nothing to offer. I’ll take 3 dedicated people over 7 uncommitted people any day of the week. With all of your many task to tackle, don’t forget about assigning someone to take care of you, the Assistant. Think of the many reasons people decide to hire assistants, it’s no different for a wedding. The Assistant does everything you can’t do, and it’s certainly not because you are not capable. Quite the contrary, it’s because no one benefits from you being exhausted and overwhelmed due to being spread too thin, especially you.
You may think you don’t need to have one more person involved in the madness, aka your wedding, but your Assistant is crucial for having the most enjoyable wedding experience possible. Leading up to your big day, it’s easy to assume that everyone will know what you need and that you will too. However, much of wedding planning constantly changes, even up to the minutes before the ceremony begins. One week you could feel you need no help at all, the next week you are sinking in a pile of things to do. I know you are wondering, “If I already know what I want and who is supposed to help me, why should planning a wedding be so hard?” The answer, because people are involved, and when people are involved simple task can easily turn into hard ones. People change their minds, don’t keep their word, and make honest mistakes, and guess what, you are a person too. You are likely to change your mind or experience an unexpected change of plans that you could not prevent. A wedding is a constant work in progress because until it happens, you honestly have no idea what will take place on that day, and how it will turn out.
When thinking of who should be your Assistant, it is important to enlist someone that is equally committed to your wedding being as fabulous as you are. This person could play two roles, and also be a Maid of Honor or Mistress of Ceremony. If this is the case, make it clear to them that they serve in two roles. Don’t think because they have had your back so many times before that they will automatically know what to do in a wedding situation, especially if they are not married or had a wedding of their own. Thoroughly discuss what their responsibilities will be. If your Assistant is not apart of the wedding party, then even better. It can be hard for people to stay poised because they are in the wedding, yet be constantly available for assisting. That is a sure way to drive a friend out of their mind.
Having an Assistant is also not a role that will be automatically encompassed in the duties of a Wedding Planner. Your assistant helps you be you’re best for the wedding and anticipates your needs before you voice them. While a Wedding Planner, only works on the wedding. If they are a very nice Wedding Planner, they will do their best to calm your nerves and assure you, but keep in mind that is not their job. If you are a DIY Bride, you will especially need someone to help you dot every “I” and cross every “T”. When under a certain amount of stress, whether good or bad, you won’t be able to remember everything . And there will be times when you may not have any more energy left or the ability to make one more decision, your Assistant will step in for you.
They go with you a million times to the wedding location, making sure your vision does not have any holes in it, and goes with you to craft stores to help you decide which color combinations are best. They are a shoulder for you to lean on, when you question why you decided to have a wedding in the first place. They tell you how to pose for your pictures, if the photographer drops the ball. They tell you to wipe your face, or reapply when your make up is coming off. They make sure you eat even if no one wants you to sit down and have a minute for yourself. They are looking over the shoulders of the people you hired to ensure things are done the way you want. They get you water if your thirsty, and gather people when it’s time to take pictures. Trust me, you don’t want to have to yell “Hurry up, it’s time to take pictures!” on your big day. They always have your best interest in mind.They are your shadow, and you will be so grateful you had them there. They take a lot of your crap and deserve all the free lunches and awesome gifts that you can give them when the wedding is over. Again, don’t think these are obvious things that anyone would help you with or point out. Not so, people are too busy having a good time and may not really be thinking about you anymore. But your Assistant is always thinking about you.
Excerpt from Bride Confesses: The Good, the Bad, and the Lovely
The Do’s and Don’ts for Planning the DIY Wedding of Your dreams
This is the one thing I was told to do, but didn’t bother to because I was simply too tired to contact another person. And because it didn’t present a current issue like so many others, it didn’t seem important, and I didn’t see the need to have it solved right away. I completely underestimated the role of the Assistant. It is honestly in the top 5 of important people for that day. The person you ask to be your Assistant needs to be strong and not care about what other people want, or care about being liked that day. They are only there for you and to make the behind the scenes parts of your wedding run exactly the way you planned. This is different from the Mistress of Ceremony role that is in charge making sure the events of the wedding that people see run smoothly from the beginning to the end.
Your Assistant is the person that tells you and your groom that you have something on your faces, finds and arranges the people to take pictures at the wedding, in case the photographer is not skilled in this area. They make sure to keep the both of you hydrated, and tells you if you need to touch up your make up. They help you to change your clothes and make sure you are not running behind. They are your life saver for that day. To make sure they have an understanding of what will be expected of them, come up with a list of all their duties and make sure they have it in advance. Your Assistant should not only be there for you the day of the wedding, but also the months leading up to it. They will help you to communicate all areas you need help in. Believe it or not a lot of people don’t ask a Bride what she needs help with, but only offer to do what they are comfortable doing. And a lot of times a Bride may not know what she wants or needs until she actually needs it at that moment. She needs someone to stay a step ahead of her and to be able to communicate with everyone that’s involved when she can’t.
I hope that I have helped you in your decision of whether or not having an Assistant is necessary…it is.
To ensure that you get the best wedding assistant possible, follow these steps.
- First, if you have someone in mind that you would like to have as your Assistant for your wedding day, then ask sooner than later. While they may not be planning your wedding, it still is a time commitment. Please be considerate about their current responsibilities.
- Secondly, explain the role and your expectations to your Wedding Assistant. As a friend, it’s easy for them to get caught up in helping with everything else but forget about what you will be holding them accountable for.
- Thirdly, your Wedding Assistant does not have to be in your same age group. When deciding who your assistant should be, you need someone reliable, positive, patient, and even tempered, not your twin.
- And lastly, forget about using someone to be your Wedding Assistant that has been flaky in the past. Guess what, they will be flaky in the future. They will cause you unnecessary stress because you will want to replace them.
Remember…..Stay a Busy Bee and share with a Bride to Be
Rachel Bryant Lundy